Holy hell in back after a very long absance. Vampirefreaks and myspace consume much of my extra time now but i have returned to this one and plan on staying for a long while this time. IF anyone remembers me stop in and say HI.

I will more the likely be posting more poems soon and would love to have your comment on them

I can also be found at www.vampirefreaks.com/AbandonedHope  and www.myspace.com/AbandonedHope

well it has been a while sence my last blog this is for a lot of reasons main reason is i have been working out relationship problems the other being i have been a dumb ass and started drinking untill im trashed every day do to said relationship problems.

The good new i have rediscovered a band i used to listen to "Sister Hazel" while many of you may wonder why a person who listens to metal and old school punk is into a band like that , well so do i. check ity out for your self.

Do to dogpile.com and audio search for Sister Hazel happy

I am also starting another blog at vampirefreaks.com i have pics there

My name is still AbandonedHope on that one too

I watched a very good movie this weekend called Highway. it had Selma Blair,  Jake Gyllenhaal, and Jared Leto. it was super good and the end made me think alot about friendship. here is the plot line.

Two friends hit the road to escape some homicidal gangsters with a score to settle in this angsty Gen-X flick set against the backdrop of the mid-'90s grunge music scene. Highway opens with its mohawked post-teen hero Jack (Jared Leto), up to his usual routine: smoking pot, cleaning pools, and engaging in vigorous sex with a mobster's wife. It isn't long before vengeful thugs come calling to his Las Vegas trailer-park home, however, and Jack has to flee town with his drug-dealing best buddy, Pilot (Jake Gyllenhaal). The two decide to travel to Seattle -- in the week preceding Kurt Cobain's suicide -- and along the way they encounter a succession of drifters, losers, and hangers-on, including a sweet-.hearted prostitute named Cassie (Selma Blair). Highway's working title was "A Leonard Cohen Afterworld," a reference to a lyric from Kurt Cobain's song "Pennyroyal Tea"; the film was written by Scott Rosenberg, who previously made a name for himself with Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead, Beautiful Girls, and Con Air. ~ Michael Hastings, All Movie Guide

go get the movie or i will send my flock of pink killer sheep after you soul

white suits and halos

 your cancelled check is your ticket to heaven

They're so concerned with your salvation

Med school and mercades

 your faith in them pays the million dollar morgage.

They're so concerned with your disease.

War toys and bloodshed

fund-raisers for god

Human life reduced to dollor signs.

And the beast feeds

babies with guns,

and it feeds.

Apathy is survival

and the beast feeds.

We have perfected a thousand ways to destroy ourselves

but we can't find one

 to save our souls.

What have we learned from history?

What are we teaching our children?

How will we cross the chasm,

when we've burned the last bridge?

white hot pinpoints of memory

   reality needles its way back

   into my waking dream.

this empty page...

  the stark white...

The paralyzing fear

that the words may

not come this time.

Waiting for the floodgates

    & nbsp; to open,

for the sanity to rush in

and chase away the emptiness.

each clean page can be a new life

a chance to make something real

Every word

  a step closer to redemption

these are my childern

these are of my soul

if not my body

these will keep me  from

becoming what i fear most

well i came across a book of poems and thoughts i wrote about a year and a half ago and will be posting them over the next few weeks. most however are untitled.

    & nbsp; River of choices

It seems we have learned to measure

the qualtiy of our lives

by the intensity of our despair.

we could find comfort in the

stillness of the calm waters.

but we choose to belive what

we have been taught.

we choose to belive that stillness is death.

Yaaa go me

    & nbsp;   

Holy hell!!!!!!! it has been super long sence my last blog. o well it not like i have many devoted fans who read all the time and most of my blods are pointless. O well last weekend i went to see  Arch Enemy, Bleeding Through, and Cradle Of Filth. It was fucking sweet, I almost got my nose broken(I guess thats Karma) And almost got the drum stick of Arch Enemy's drummer. It was super cool because every one of the bands Did a few songs in memory of DimeBag Darrell.  Its a little late on my part because the computers at school were down, but R.I.P. Darrell.

Leave it to Ohio to fuck shit up, I hate my state.

Bye

Friday i went to a party with to a party with  Jen, i was across the room i saw some guy push her then back handed her in the face.  I ran over to him, we exchanged a few harsh words, he tried to hit me and missed, then i hit him in the face 3 times. Long story short i ended up having to spend the night in juvie because i broke his nose.  While i admit braking his nose was not the best thing to do, at the time it did not cross my mind that happen. Then that i sat at home and started reading the book American Gods again.( one of the best book i have ever read)

Alright my friend ( jen) wants to be "friends with benifits" in the past i have had no probem with this , but i am scared i my become to attached to her. It sounds corney (for te lack of  better word) i like her a lot an have for a while now and if she were to start seeing someone else while we were "involved" i do not want to become jelous. wht should i do?

It is my 3rd class of the day , we have 9classes, me and my friends are leaving at the end of the next class. I am "going to see my doctor" other wise known as Hanging out with my friends.  I will be calling theoffice and pretending to be Jen's Dad , she will be my mom . Then we are home free yaaaaaaaa. i will post how the plan went later today.

Well some of them people in this school are actually kinda cool. Today a friend and i got about 29 people to park in a line crooked and be in 2 spaces at the same time. Yaaaaaaa sorry my life is pretty boring so stuff like this makes me happy.  Im kinda pissed to because the elastic in my socks are broken  and the fuckers wont stay up >:0

Look at the cool fetuses i just got  i got an emo one a ninja one and a death one  yaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaa go me this maes me happier

 Well my girlfriend and i just broke up for good after 8 months. THe last month we have been in the on again off again weirdness. so I a kinda happy to finally have full comfermation of our beark up. This past month she would tell people that we were still going out even when she was the one saying the she wanted "some Space".  o well just though i would make thebreak up final and i hope she see's this 

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;  THIS SONG IS SUPER GOOD
With my perceptions in a mix
Down twenty miles through the sticks
To the cloudy town of Hellview: Population 96

Excessive vacancy, well maybe
In the shadow of an eye
All the strangers pass right through
Where the rules just don't apply

At the fork turn left a store
But on the right stay free from sight
'Cause 96 quite bitter beings
Like to stack the bodies high

The only way to ever leave is
Overflooded by the storm
And entanglement in Hellview
Brings you fear in fifty forms
They've deleted all the tourists
At the bottom of the lake
And not one supports the cause
To leave the blood stay in the veins

Here, three miles back is where we are
All we ever wanted was an answer
Civilized are close but way too far
All we ever wanted was an answer

Footprints giving clue to where we are
All we ever wanted was an answer
Civilized are close but way too far
All we ever wanted...    

Please leave comments on the song

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   This is a poem I wrote that has already been published.

Poe's ebony clock alway's ticking and spinning,

reminding me of the time that is slipping.

Unable to sleep as the questions set in,

making me wonder, how it will all end?

    & nbsp; How will i be remembered?

Will i leave my mark and make my time count,

or and i doomed to fail and just fade out?