well it has been a while sence my last blog this is for a lot of reasons main reason is i have been working out relationship problems the other being i have been a dumb ass and started drinking untill im trashed every day do to said relationship problems.

The good new i have rediscovered a band i used to listen to "Sister Hazel" while many of you may wonder why a person who listens to metal and old school punk is into a band like that , well so do i. check ity out for your self.

Do to dogpile.com and audio search for Sister Hazel happy

I am also starting another blog at vampirefreaks.com i have pics there

My name is still AbandonedHope on that one too

I watched a very good movie this weekend called Highway. it had Selma Blair,  Jake Gyllenhaal, and Jared Leto. it was super good and the end made me think alot about friendship. here is the plot line.

Two friends hit the road to escape some homicidal gangsters with a score to settle in this angsty Gen-X flick set against the backdrop of the mid-'90s grunge music scene. Highway opens with its mohawked post-teen hero Jack (Jared Leto), up to his usual routine: smoking pot, cleaning pools, and engaging in vigorous sex with a mobster's wife. It isn't long before vengeful thugs come calling to his Las Vegas trailer-park home, however, and Jack has to flee town with his drug-dealing best buddy, Pilot (Jake Gyllenhaal). The two decide to travel to Seattle -- in the week preceding Kurt Cobain's suicide -- and along the way they encounter a succession of drifters, losers, and hangers-on, including a sweet-.hearted prostitute named Cassie (Selma Blair). Highway's working title was "A Leonard Cohen Afterworld," a reference to a lyric from Kurt Cobain's song "Pennyroyal Tea"; the film was written by Scott Rosenberg, who previously made a name for himself with Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead, Beautiful Girls, and Con Air. ~ Michael Hastings, All Movie Guide

go get the movie or i will send my flock of pink killer sheep after you soul

white suits and halos

 your cancelled check is your ticket to heaven

They're so concerned with your salvation

Med school and mercades

 your faith in them pays the million dollar morgage.

They're so concerned with your disease.

War toys and bloodshed

fund-raisers for god

Human life reduced to dollor signs.

And the beast feeds

babies with guns,

and it feeds.

Apathy is survival

and the beast feeds.

We have perfected a thousand ways to destroy ourselves

but we can't find one

 to save our souls.

What have we learned from history?

What are we teaching our children?

How will we cross the chasm,

when we've burned the last bridge?

white hot pinpoints of memory

   reality needles its way back

   into my waking dream.

this empty page...

  the stark white...

The paralyzing fear

that the words may

not come this time.

Waiting for the floodgates

    & nbsp; to open,

for the sanity to rush in

and chase away the emptiness.

each clean page can be a new life

a chance to make something real

Every word

  a step closer to redemption

these are my childern

these are of my soul

if not my body

these will keep me  from

becoming what i fear most

well i came across a book of poems and thoughts i wrote about a year and a half ago and will be posting them over the next few weeks. most however are untitled.

    & nbsp; River of choices

It seems we have learned to measure

the qualtiy of our lives

by the intensity of our despair.

we could find comfort in the

stillness of the calm waters.

but we choose to belive what

we have been taught.

we choose to belive that stillness is death.

Yaaa go me

    & nbsp;